were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i think my cat just said my name.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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