My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
did i just pee glitter
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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