I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Who died my cat blue again?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
