another moral hangover. fuck.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize