They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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