drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
