Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
