just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
