NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
