what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
