Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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