in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
