who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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