Your face is a jimmy john
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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