you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
