Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
