? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize