I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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