can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
