My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sober January is a disaster.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
