I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
