It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
