I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
