Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize