I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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