Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
