nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
