return my video game
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
