Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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