i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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