I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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