her vagine was all disorganized.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
