You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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