I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
