just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Someone shattered a urinal.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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