dude i'm inner monologue high
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
