What a fucking waste of an outfit
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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