In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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