Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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