Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
