I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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