His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
BRING THE BAGELS
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
