Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
