Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just want nice things and good sex
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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