i already hear my dad disowning me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
