We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
