she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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