Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
