i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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