Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
