hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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