Umm I'm too high to move.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
