i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
