so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
