you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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