i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
