i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize