Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So squirting runs in the family.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
