I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
