i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
