haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My penis needs a shock collar
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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