I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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