There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
