I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
