I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
