I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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