Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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