Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
