Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
