if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
