Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I didn't notice because vodka
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
