I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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