That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
