im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
