i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
