my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She told me I should be a condom model.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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