i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
