The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
