Those balls look pretty dangerous.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
