Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
