glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
